Day 2: Embracing Vulnerability and Facing Uncertainty
Last night, I was given a strong pill, which made me extremely tired when I woke up. After naturally waking up just before the scheduled 7:30 a.m. wake-up time, I found myself almost in a panic, standing straight up and gasping for air. I had breakfast, did my morning chore of cleaning the tables, and then went straight back to sleep. I had trouble going up the stairs earlier that morning, so I voiced to the nurse on FaceTime that I would like to cut the dosage by half, as I felt more like myself the day before without it. I wasn’t given the pill my first evening in residential treatment, but I was told to remain on the same dosage for a week. I continued to advocate for myself, and some of my peers told me that I had the right to refuse the medication if I wanted to. After a 45-minute conversation with a therapist in the afternoon, where I shared my entire story, I voiced to the nurse that I wanted to try a different medication—a sleeping pill was suggested. I even joked with another patient that maybe I should stick with the stronger pill, as it might knock me out tomorrow in the event Donald Trump wins the election; I might otherwise have a heart attack!
In group today, we were tasked with writing a letter to ourselves, encouraging and acknowledging the struggles we’ve faced recently. I thought it was a great exercise. My letter was as follows:
"Dear Kevin,
You have gone through a lot this past year after getting laid off from your job in November 2023. Despite the financial and emotional challenges, you have never given up. You've tried your hardest to find a job in your field as a data analyst, but due to a saturated tech sector and companies streamlining operations with AI, no matter how many hundreds of applications you've submitted, you haven’t landed a single interview, even for roles you were qualified for. But know that this isn’t your fault and doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough. You have done everything you could think of to find other forms of employment, like driving for Uber, working part-time as a dog walker, and as a leasing agent. You have faced severe scarcity, nearly losing your home, but to avoid homelessness, you found a temporary solution by having roommates move into your one-bedroom apartment. Despite having slept on your couch for the past three months, you have managed the situation as best as you could. I also want to congratulate you for your ongoing advocacy efforts for ethical AI and workforce preservation. Kudos to you for receiving a letter from President Joe Biden calling for AI governance and global cooperation, and for attempting to leverage that letter with President Emmanuel Macron, who is himself an advocate for ethical AI. Hopefully, your efforts will ignite a much-needed global movement to regulate this technology so we can all still have jobs at the end of the day. Remember, even if your efforts don’t work out, you can tell yourself that at least you tried."
In another group session, we watched Brené Brown’s TED Talk, “The Power of Vulnerability,” from 13 years ago, viewed by over 22 million people.
I had seen it a few times before, but it still moved me deeply. By the end, tears were streaming down my face, as it reminded me how vulnerable I’ve been this past year, sharing my struggles publicly—from employment issues to not affording food, to the challenges of a world being reshaped by AI, as discussed in my podcast, AI Podcast Therapy, and even my experience of being admitted to this facility. In her talk, Brené Brown speaks of vulnerability as a strength, not a weakness, and as a means of courage. We discussed how vulnerability allows us to be seen and connect with others who face similar struggles, which has been my goal all along. Rewatching the TED Talk reinforced that I shouldn’t feel ashamed of struggling with unprecedented technological advancements and their impact on the labor market, especially in the tech sector.
As the day neared its end, someone in the kitchen asked me how I felt on the evening before the election, and my answer was, “All we can do at this point is pray,” knowing I had done everything within my power to offer undecided voters content through my podcast episode “2024 Election: Defining America's Future,” to help guide them toward the best decision for the continued United States' prosperity.
A memorable conversation unfolded in the kitchen around 9 p.m. about the fall of the Roman Empire, with someone suggesting that, having been at the top for so long, the U.S. might be due to fall as well. Wanting to join the conversation, I mentioned that history often repeats itself and that as a relatively young country—only about 400 years old—the U.S. hasn’t yet experienced a transformative event on the scale of the French Revolution. I speculated that if Donald Trump were to win the election, it could mark the beginning of the fall of the American empire as we know it. This thought stemmed from my concerns about unregulated AI and its potential effects on the workforce, especially with a Trump-Musk alliance introducing humanoid robots into society, thought I didn’t mention the above.
A few minutes later, almost as if on cue, someone played the movie I, Robot on the shared TV. Watching it for the first time, I noticed a scene where Will Smith’s character’s mother gets a robot to help her cook, and he expresses concern about it. As I watched, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I would say to his character, which is the same thing I need to remind myself moving forward: "Why worry about something you cannot control?"
